Because reality TV and hip-hop sites are a perfect match, I joined my friends at Metallungies.com to live-blog the premiere episode of this season’s “The Amazing Race.” We have plans to continue this throughout the season, though plans — as always — are subject to change.
8 p.m. Sundays, for as long as it lasts. Metallungies.com (and CBS).
My wife has long had this idea, so we turned it into a Tumblr page right quick:
http://bigguysmakinplays.tumblr.com/
Who doesn’t love seeing a big lineman unexpectedly taking off down the field, football in hand, hoping to score? Nobody, that’s who.
Just a phenomenal year. Unlike 2009, there’s no shortage of great albums. I’m sure it’ll take me years to catch up with all the great stuff that came out in 2010. For now, I’ve got 20 for ya.
20. MGMT – Congratulations
It’s a good psychedelic rock album. I think many people were disappointed because that’s all it is. And that disappointment makes some sense. Why try to sound like the past when you already sound like the future?
19. Of Montreal – False Priest
I like this album, but I think it’s the end of the line for Kevin Barnes and this latest electrodisco-Georgie Fruit phase of his career. It started with Hissing Fauna, which was great. I also enjoyed the messy Skeletal Lamping more than most. False Priest starts off strong, but portions of it seem like weak rehashes of the past two albums. Time to evolve again.
18. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists – The Brutalist Bricks
Living with the Living wasn’t quite up to Leo’s normal standards. Here, he’s sounding urgent again. He knows it, too, as the album starts off with a jolt and “When the cafe doors exploded…” Personal favorites are “Even Heroes Have to Die” and “Bottled in Cork” — vintage form there.
17. The New Pornographers – Together
You know it’s a monster year when a new New Pornos album can’t even crack the top 15. Unlike all the other NP albums, I think Bejar brought the best songs to Together. That’s not an indictment of its quality — it’s just the way it worked out this time around. Another solid effort here, but not a standout.
16. Miles Kurosky – The Desert of Shallow Effects
It’s good to have Kurosky back. After fronting the late, great Beulah, he disappeared for a while, but he re-emerged to release an album that wasn’t completely dissimilar from something Beulah would have released. OK, maybe The Desert of Shallow Effects is both a bit more subdued and quirky than Beulah’s albums were — that newfound freedom reminds me of Stephen Malkmus’ solo debut.
15. Belle and Sebastian – Write About Love
After the dizzying heights of The Life Pursuit, it took four years for Write About Love to appear. Despite the wait, this album kind of flew under the radar for me. It’s solid, with a few top-notch additions to the formidable B&S catalog, but the Norah Jones duet, like everything else I’ve heard from her, is snoozeville.
14. The Apples in Stereo – Travellers in Space and Time
I’m glad Robert Schneider has gone off the deep end and completely embraced his inner Jeff Lynne. If the Apples are today’s ELO, well, there are lesser goals to be sure. There was a sticker on the cover of this album … it read something like ”A symphony of robots and humans” or something like that. I don’t remember the exact wording. But anyway, it was a fairly accurate statement. “Symphony” might be a bit much, but Travellers sure is fun.
13. Kanye West – My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
I’ve always been more of a singles guy when it comes to rap. Everyone is aware of the critical euphoria this album has received. It is very good. But I don’t quite understand the endless acclaim. There are some killer tracks — “Dark Fantasy,” “Power,” “Monster” — but MBDTF is flawed. Kanye gets a lot of credit for being ambitious, but why shouldn’t he be ambitious? What has he got to lose? It’s a thin line between ambitious and bloated, and I don’t think Kanye’s always on the proper side here: “All of the Lights,” for instance, is overloaded and ultimately empty.
You should buy this album. It’s worth owning. But personally, I still prefer Graduation.
12. Spoon – Transference
Transference doesn’t really grab you right away like the last few Spoon efforts, but who doesn’t trust Spoon? You give it a few spins, and hey — another winner. Of course. It’s almost boring how consistent Spoon is, but I’ve gotta say something else. How about that “Goodnight Laura?” That’s a new kind of pearl from these guys. Quite welcome, too.
11. Surfer Blood – Astro Coast
Modern surf rock. The band name, album name, the shark cover, the song titles: “Floating Vibes,” “Swim.” But really, who doesn’t need an album they can blast at the beach? I’d be concerned about the long-term prospects of Surfer Blood if I wasn’t enjoying the songs so much. “Twin Peaks” even makes David Lynch and Syracuse sound sort of sunny.
But back to that shark attack cover: Astro Coast does have some bite. It’s not all palm tree gazing.
10. Let’s Wrestle – In the Court of the Wrestling Let’s
I adore this. It’s the kind of funny, clever, haphazard record that only seems to come out of England. Let’s Wrestle come off like a trio of post-punk pranksters, but the melodies will take you by surprise. Technically, I suppose Wesley Patrick Gonzalez isn’t much of a singer, but I don’t listen technically. The guy sings with his heart, even if he’s havin’ a laugh.
9. The Tallest Man on Earth – The Wild Hunt
Solo musicians and their monikers these days. TTMoE is the Swedish Kristian Matsson, and his talent is the stop-you-in-your-tracks sort. He’s got an earnest voice, whether it’s yelping or soaring, he’s a dynamo on the guitar, and man, can the guy write a tune.
There have been a thousand new Dylans over the years, so as for that, I’ll refrain. But Mattson’s gotta be The Great Folk Rock Hope at this point. If you’ve got no hope, he’s folk’s new king. Unlike so many of his contemporaries, he prefers shouting to whispering. May his reign be long.
8. The Hold Steady – Heaven is Whenever
There’s something just a little off here, isn’t there? The lyrics are still great, the songs still sound like they’re hitting the mark, everything seems to be in order … but it just doesn’t keep pulling me back in like past Hold Steady albums. Perhaps the production is getting a tad too polished for a band that won me over with its hard-working grittiness. I love Heaven is Whenever. Just not as much as I expected.
7. Dr. Dog – Shame, Shame
For me, Dr. Dog’s music has always had a glow to it. It’s inviting and warm, and those who would rather talk about the group’s influences probably didn’t feel that quite as much. I’d like to think Shame, Shame is where those thoughts fade away, because this is the strongest batch of songs the Dog has created yet. When my least favorite tune here is the steady title track (featuring Jim James, no less), it’s clear something special is at work.
6. She & Him – Volume 2
I don’t really care how calculated or cultivated the whole thing is. I will listen to these lovely, breezy pop songs forever. I almost typed “simple.” That would have been a mistake. She & Him are making new songs that sound like standards, and that’s one of the toughest tricks there is. I still don’t think of Zooey Deschanel as a musician who acts, but I should.
5. Janelle Monáe – The ArchAndroid (Suites II and III)
I don’t understand why Janelle Monáe isn’t the biggest star in pop music today. She has the ambition of Kanye, she takes far more musical risks than Lady Gaga, her live show is incredible (saw her twice last year), she’s gorgeous, and this, her first full-length album, plays like a hit parade. Perhaps Monáe needs to start some kind of controversy. That’s what sells the most records these days. As if we’re listening to controversy when we buy music.
I’ll stop myself before this turns into a full-blown old man rant. The ArchAndroid is an inventive explosion that puts most modern pop and R&B to shame. It works as both a pop/funk album and a concept album — The ArchAndroid refers to Monáe’s continuing concept, the tale of android Cindi Mayweather. Sounds a bit out there, no? It is. Gloriously so.
One gripe is that the album is too long. A small price to pay.
4. The National – High Violet
High Violet is where it all came together for The National. Alligator and Boxer are great albums, but they both have their dull moments. It’s hard to put a finger on why, exactly, except to say this is just a great collection of songs. The typical mood is established — dark, serious — but it never drags things down. These are well-crafted songs that stick with you.
Even after five studio albums and burgeoning commercial success (High Violet debuted at #3 on the Billboard 200), The National is still an acquired taste. High Violet is the well-aged choice.
3. Arcade Fire – The Suburbs
It took a few listens for this one to sink in. The songs I liked best initially (the title track, “We Used to Wait,” “Sprawl II”) are still my favorites, but the depth is there. It just took a little while to hear it.
The greatest triumph of The Suburbs is how this band can create such bittersweet nostalgic feelings without using any lo-fi recording techniques or falling back on knowing musical nods to the past.
“In the suburbs I — I learned to drive. And you told me we’d never survive. Grab your mother’s keys, we’re leavin.’ “ There’s a mystery to the way Win Butler sings that. It’s like the beginning of a great short story.
The Arcade Fire has released three full-length albums now — all are tremendous. The band remains poignant enough to resonate on headphones and powerful enough to rock arenas. Refraining from historical hyperbole, I’ll just say it’s great to have ‘em around.
2. Titus Andronicus – The Monitor
The Monitor strikes me as a masterpiece. It’s the sound of a band throwing it all out there, and succeeding. It’s been billed as a Civil War concept album, but that concept is very loose — the first song, the towering “A More Perfect Union” name-checks Fung Wah Bus, the Newark Bears, Billy Bragg and makes an almost-obligatory-at-that-point Springsteen reference before it eventually barrels on into the “Battle Cry of Freedom” near the end of its seven-minute running time. Titus Andronicus is serving notice.
The rest of the album, somehow, keeps the momentum going, through songs short and long, through pianos and saxophones, through death, life, piss and Keystone Light. Sometimes, you’ll hear touches of The Replacements, or The Hold Steady (Craig Finn has an obscure guest spot here), or a number of any great bands, but Patrick Stickles’ inspired ranting and raving never lets you forget this is a Titus Andronicus album.
It’s grand, theatrical, ambitious punk rock of the highest order, but American Idiot it is not. The Monitor is fearless, drunken, raw and unsanitized. Don’t hold your breath waiting on the Broadway adaptation.
1. Sufjan Stevens – The Age of Adz
I’ve always respected Sufjan Stevens’ talent more than I actually enjoyed his work. Like anyone who’s heard it, I love “Chicago,” but most of Stevens’ songs are too delicate for me. Gorgeous melodies, floating away into the ether.
The Age of Adz begins with the sparse and pretty ”Futile Devices,” and after that, everything changes. All sorts of noises take hold, as Stevens’ voice dips in and out of these new crashing waves.
Now, Stevens has done more electronically-oriented music before, but I was never too familiar with it. It was clear Stevens wanted to move in a different direction, though, and it was a smart decision from a smart guy. The very first time I heard The Age of Adz, I listened in awe. My main problem with most all “electronic music” is its relative lack of soul — that’s never a problem here. Stevens is pulling sounds from all over the place — orchestral, electronic, conventional, unconventional — and making something completely new and affecting out of the madness. It’s truly stunning. I don’t think of The Age of Adz as an electronic album. I’ve never heard anything quite like this before — it’s impossible to categorize.
The album title refers to (and the cover features) artwork from Royal Robertson, an American artist who suffered from paranoid schizophrenia. After listening to the album, it makes sense. This does sound a bit like the work of a schizophrenic genius.
It’s probably a prerequisite when discussing this album to bring up the closer, the 25-minute “Impossible Soul.” There. I mentioned it. I won’t write about it further than that, because the song is not a gimmick, and doesn’t deserve to be singled out as such. It only feels like another great part of the impossible whole.
Create a playlist at MixPod.com
So, I wrote a novella. It’s called Fifteen Shots, and I’ve released it as an e-book. You can buy it here.
Here’s the book description I wrote for Amazon:
The mother. The dealer. The detective. In Fifteen Shots, the reader drops into the minds of these and twelve other characters during the course of one fateful day. Two teenage girls duck out of school to make a quick purchase from their favorite drug dealer, but the transaction doesn’t go as planned.
The 15 featured characters are all connected to the shocking outburst at the heart of the story. Fifteen Shots is about the reactions and reflections people make during a time of crisis, the jobs that must be done regardless of urgent circumstances, and the thin line between tragedy and survival.
A short, fast-moving novella, Fifteen Shots is the first published work of fiction from journalist Phil Dzikiy. Visit phildzikiy.com for more information.
There you have it. Exciting, no? Also, a quick warning: If you couldn’t tell from the subject matter, this book is not for the kiddies. If you’re easily offended by explicit language, Fifteen Shots probably isn’t for you. Otherwise, you might enjoy it. It’s a quick read, and the few people who have read it so far (all of ‘em straight shooters) have really enjoyed it.
Anyway. I never thought of self-publishing as something I would ever do. I work at a newspaper, and we get plenty of self-published books. They almost never look like something you’d want to read. If you do flip through the pages, you usually find your initial impressions were accurate. Judging a book by its cover isn’t normally a bad call in these situations. (Or judging the book by its quality of photography, paper, font choice, etc.) And many of the books come from vanity presses.
But, again, I wrote a novella. And very few publishing companies — even small presses — will publish novellas. It’s not exactly a “hot market.” (Though I think, if marketed properly, novellas should actually do well in today’s age, what with all our distractions and short attention spans. You might find a novel daunting, but you might find the time to read a novella.) I submitted to one publishing company that treats the novella with respect. And I waited. I worked on other projects as I waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, I heard back: No dice. It wasn’t a form letter, and I was informed that “the prose was strong,” but it wasn’t a perfect match, and so on.
So what’s the next step? Very few publishers will even look at novellas, and even if I found a publisher that was a good fit, I’d still have to be accepted. Waiting for that would take months, and if I was rejected, the process would begin again, and I’d be waiting even longer. It could take years, if it ever got published at all. In days gone by, that was the only option, outside of paying for a vanity press to publish my book.
I’d love to find a great publisher at some point (who wouldn’t?), but as a first-time author with no previous published fiction experience, it’s an uphill climb, to say the least. Especially with a novella to sell.
A few months ago, however, a friend enlightened me. He told me about Amazon’s self-publishing program for the Kindle. Told me about the royalties. After a while, it started to sound pretty good. In many ways, the Kindle levels the playing field for authors. I’m selling on Amazon. The Kindle is quickly becoming a dominant publishing force. And perhaps most importantly, my words will look the same as anyone else’s. The words are what matters — not the text. Sure, I don’t have the backing of a major publisher, but my expectations for this book are modest. Most things have been going in this direction, anyway — online, away from the “gatekeepers,” as it were. I suppose there’s no reason why books should be any different.
After enlisting a few friends to read the story, give feedback and check for typos, I did one final edit, formatted the novella for Kindle (not a quick process the first time around), uploaded a cover image and there it is. Instead of worrying about who would publish my book, I allowed myself to get excited. “The book is coming out. It’s coming out! It’s only a matter of time! Nothing can stop it now!” There’s something empowering in that.
I designed the cover myself. Maybe I’ll do a post about that process sometime in the future.
Another thing: The price. I set the initial list price at $2.99. It’s the lowest possible price to earn 70 percent royalties from Amazon. I’d price it higher if it were a full-length novel, but for a novella, I think $2.99 is fair, and really, a great deal. It’s less than a fast food value meal — and better for you!
I know there’s a school of thought out there that believes unknown authors should offer their books for 99 cents, just to get anyone to bite. As that thinking likely goes, a cheaper price will lead to more sales, and if a reader likes it, perhaps they’ll be back for more. Personally, as a reader, I wouldn’t buy a book from an unknown author just because it’s listed at 99 cents — especially a novel. Word of mouth and self-promotion are more important than a rock-bottom list price. Even if you do buy that book, what’s going to make you read it? It might just sit there on your Kindle, unread, forever. Or you might not like the first few pages and quit on it. After all, how invested can you be in completing a 99-cent novel?
Plus, $2.99 is cheap enough. If you’re going to sell a full-length novel for 99 cents, I just think you’re devaluing your own work. And if you’re going to devalue your own work, what makes me want to read it? I know some independent authors would disagree. But hey, whatever works for you. We’ll see how this goes. It’s a learning process.
Moving on. For now, Fifteen Shots is only on Kindle. I might pursue other avenues in the future — perhaps other e-reader options, maybe I’ll find a printed edition necessary at some point. But it took me some time to prep the novella for Kindle. For now, I’m just going to enjoy it.
Am I a bit nervous about this? Sure. But that’s how it goes. If you’re going to be a writer, you’ve gotta put yourself out there. You’ve gotta take the leap. I’ve been doing it in newspapers for years (it’s a bit different, but still). On this blog, too, though my posts are often rather silly.
But I believe in Fifteen Shots. That’s why I released it. I hope you’ll buy it. And I hope you’ll enjoy it.
So, in conclusion….
You’ve seen him this holiday season. Some may wish to define him as a slacker. Some would call him a hipster. I don’t know, man. I just think he’s the worst elf ever.
Look at this Johnny-come-lately. He just strolls in like he owns the place, even though he’s the newest elf on the block. I’ve seen this before. A new hotshot that corporate pushed through the ranks.
He fires up the elf workers with a rousing, passionate speech. He wants these elves to offer tech support, even though, as elves, that is clearly not in the job description. But hey, we’re all doing more with less these days, and so on. He’s an elf for our times. A sad elf for our sad times.
Allow me a semi-related tangent. Just before I arrived at my newspaper job years ago, a former publisher at the paper was pushing a concept he touted as “The Power of One.” Now, from what I understand, the basic idea was that if the phone rang, and someone had a problem, or a question, YOU had to solve it. So, if you’re sitting in the newsroom, and a reader has a problem with his or her newspaper delivery, you wouldn’t be allowed to transfer the call to the circulation department. That would make too much sense. You had to step away from what you were doing, call the circulation department (or leave your desk and walk to the circulation department), figure out how to resolve the issue on your own, and return to the caller with a perfect solution. Even in theory, this sounds like a bad idea: People stepping away from their own jobs to do the jobs of others.
Not only that, but, apparently, the publisher told the employees that some of these callers would be plants. Fake readers. People who would only call in to see if workers were transferring calls. Yes, as absurd as it sounds, this was a real threat, though I don’t know if anyone ever acted on it.
What happened? I’m told that people just ignored their phones, which isn’t exactly ideal. And so, “The Power of One” mercifully died a quiet death.
What does this have to do with the Best Buy elf? Well, people are hired to do certain jobs. And these elves work all year long, making toys. That’s what they do. They’re Christmas elves. They’re born into it. And now, this little tool with a soul patch/goatee rolls in and tells these elves they have to provide tech support, and you know what? Initially, the elves embrace the idea. Because elves help Santa, and they’ll do so in any way they can. They recognize technology is changing everything. They’ve gotta adapt. Little Billy isn’t asking for a homemade wooden train these days, after all. It’d be good for an elf to know his or her way around a smartphone, I suppose, though it’s not very romantic.
Then, the Best Buy elf drops the bombshell. The elves have to work Christmas.
The other elves, rightly, stare at Kenneth — yes, that is his name — clearly thinking, “Is dude for real?” Christmas Day is the one day where they can sit back and relax in peace, proud in knowing the fruits of their labor are being enjoyed by good little Christian tots all over the world. But not anymore. Now they have to sit in a call center on Christmas and explain to Aunt Nancy how to unlock an iPhone. Give ‘em that one day, Kenneth. For the love of all that is holy, let them have Christmas Day.
I’m sure this announcement was met with grumbles and simmering outrage among members of the elf community, who were likely told, “Just be happy you have a job.” I mean, I never took Santa as a big supporter of outsourcing, but you can’t be too sure these days.
I hoped that the befuddled elves would tear Kenneth apart, tiny limb by tiny limb, just after the commercial ended. Sadly, it was not to be. He would return:
HE KILLED A UNICORN. HIS KILLJOY ATTITUDE DEFLATED A MAGICAL UNICORN, THEREBY KILLING IT.
And I know the economy’s rough, but does he have to rub our faces in it? Magic doesn’t help people save money, Kenneth. Sound financial decisions do! People believing that we can work “magic” with money is what got us into trouble in the first place! So don’t bring the snowman to life with the words, “Christmas Magic.” You don’t understand it.
I can’t remember a good Best Buy commercial, but ol’ Kenneth is turning Best Buy into a Christmas villain. Look out Grinch! Step aside, Burgermeister Meisterburger! You’ve got company!
And of course Kenneth is drinking coffee. Of course he is. I wonder if he knows this coffee guy. (Second video in the link.) They’re probably real good friends.
