Phil Dzikiy …is a writer.

20Jun/100

Not a cloud in the sky

Why do we say that to describe the perfect weather day? People always feel the need to throw that in. "Not a cloud in the sky."

You know what? That's not a perfect weather day. I want some clouds. Give me some lazy cumulus clouds. Who just wants a boring, plain, blue sky when you can have a blue sky with some nice, puffy clouds? Next time I describe perfect weather conditions, I'm going to finish with, "A few clouds in the sky. Nice, big puffy clouds, too. Cumulus maximus, dude. You could really see a lot in those clouds. Curious shapes. Clouds are God's Rorschach test."

You know who probably started this whole "not a cloud in the sky" thing? Sunbathers. That's who. The only time you're really bothered by some nice clouds is when you're trying to get a tan.

Well, forget that. I'm not going to let the whims of sunbathers dictate my perception of what perfect weather should be. Cloud me.

800px-Cumulus_mountain

Filed under: Sayings, Weather No Comments
14Jun/101

Kitchen Appliance Power Rankings (Electrical)

1. Refrigerator

2. Range/Stove

3. Microwave

4. Dishwasher

5. Panini Press

6. Toaster

7. Slow Cooker

8. Rice Cooker

9. Bread Maker

10. Deep Freezer

11. Mixer

12. Hand Blender

13. Blender

14. One-cup Coffee Maker

15. Toaster Oven

16. Hand Mixer

17. Electric Griddle

26May/100

A Twitter Top Ten (Follow me! Follow me to freedom!)

Yeah, I joined Twitter. Initially, I found its entire existence to be an exercise in ego — but that's not really the case. Not now. People use Twitter for all kinds of marvelous, entertaining reasons. That being said, you still might need a good reason to follow the tweeting of yours truly.

Yep, one good reason. That's probably enough to follow along, no? Well, how about ten good reasons? Will that appease you?

Ten good reasons to follow me on Twitter:

10. If you like this blog, now you can get even less of a good thing.

9. I won't bother you with the mundane details of my life, but I will share my innermost thoughts on ... uhh ... robots! And ... honeybees! Or ... how strange it is that Bolivia has two capital cities! You just never know!

8. Links. I will hook you up with the dope links.

7. What else are you going to do? You're just sitting there. Look at you. LOOK AT YOU!

6. It may feel odd. It may look odd. But your sinuses will thank you!

(Oh, I'm sorry, that's a reason to use a neti pot.)

5. Ever wonder, "What does Phil think about <event that just happened>?" You might get the answer to that question. In all honesty, you probably won't. But you might!

4. Fancy blogs require too much readin'.

3. It's free. And you actually gain something in the process: Knowledge. Which equals power. Free power? I know what you're saying — "Where do I sign up?"

(And really, who can say that certain bits of knowledge are "useless?" Not me, man. It's all in the eye of the beholder.)

2. Why not? C'mon.

1. Buttafuoco, Buttafuoco, Buttafuoco!

Filed under: Announcements No Comments
16May/100

Pizza punked out on the precipice of prestige

You almost did it, DiGiorno. For a few seconds there, it looked like your newest commercial would actually feature that advertising rarity — a man outsmarting a woman. Not only that — a husband outsmarting his wife. That hasn't been seen in years. Maybe decades. You go, DiGiorno!

But you just couldn't do it, could you? You weren't strong enough. The man was too dumb to hide the box. Of course he was. He's just a dopey ol' dude. We can't help ourselves.

Weak sauce, DiGiorno. In more ways than one.

12May/100

The night they drove the Igloo down

That's hockey. For better or worse.

Maybe some of the newer Pens fans aren't used to this, but for a guy who's been with the Mighty 'Guins through thick and thin for a few decades, that's how it often goes. Most seasons don't end with your team in the Stanley Cup Finals. The last team to make three straight Stanley Cup Finals? The 1984-85 Edmonton Oilers. There's a reason it hasn't happened in 25 years. It's REALLY HARD.

So many things could be written right now, after the last game in Civic/Mellon Arena history. I guess I'll just write everything that ran through my mind during Game 7. At least everything I can remember. This might ramble on. I might get lost along the way. Bear with me.

The Pens clearly weren't right from the get-go tonight. It's easy to say they were nervous — maybe they were. You could also say they were tired. They've played a ton of hockey the last few years. Again: '84-'85 Oilers.

You could say the worst habits of this year's team all came out at the wrong times. The strange turnovers. The bad goals. All of the scurrying around in their own zone. The power play that got a bit too fancy at times. The constant forechecking that didn't create a good scoring opportunity — or any scoring opportunity at all. The fact that maybe something was just a bit off.

You could throw around a lot of words. You could try to place blame on a player, or a coach.  Maybe that's your thing. You could curse your team. You could boo. It's easy to be a fan when you're winning.

You could blame the stars, because that's who should carry the team. But hockey isn't basketball. Crosby and Malkin aren't guaranteed wide open ice and a fair share of chances. That's just not how it works. That's why the Crosby-Ovechkin argument gets tiresome. There are so many differences between the players, and so many other factors. Both players are spectacular. I wish fans on both sides — all sides — could see that, but hockey fans are very provincial by nature. A shame, but you take the bad with the good.

Talk is only that. What did you feel? Were you angry when they went down 1-0? 2-0? Did it take you until the third or fourth goal to boil over?

I was nervous at first. After 2-0, I was calm. I was frustrated after 4-0, simply because I didn't want the team to look like it didn't care. I had the thought that "sports teams owe us nothing." But that's not really true. They don't owe us titles. But they should owe us an honest effort.

And that's what we got. They didn't win, but they mounted a comeback. For at least a few minutes, you had to believe the Pens had a shot. There was a spark. If you couldn't feel that, maybe you shouldn't be watching hockey.

A friend of mine wondered, prior to tonight's game, if the Pens were fighting against a team of destiny. Were the Hockey Gods on their side? I don't believe in that stuff. Not to sound bitter, but if that Habs team is a "team of destiny," the so-called Hockey Gods are loons. This Canadiens team is not really that interesting. They're not a great story (except for Halak). They stand in front of the net, block shots, and they counterattack. They're an opportunistic group, for sure, but for most of the game, they play boring hockey. Why would the Hockey Gods get behind this team? What's the reasoning? A Montreal-Boston series could be the most boring conference finals in recent memory.

But I digress. Because, as you saw, the Canadiens deserved to win that game, and that series. They took it to the Pens in that game. You may not like the current Canadien brand of hockey, but they don't care. And neither do their fans. I don't care for it, but I don't care for the neutral zone trap either, and look what that's done for the Devils. It's a part of hockey now. Don't hate the players, hate the game. Like every sport, hockey has its flaws. It's like any sport: If you're going to be a fan, you just have to accept the quirks.

But forget the Devils. As a co-worker astutely pointed out today, this Canadiens team is similar to the Hasek-era Sabres: Rely on opportunistic scoring, a smart defensive system and a goalie who's playing out of his mind. And Jaroslav Halak is out of his mind.

Down 4-2 at the start of the third, the Pens had a power play. They had chances. Great chances. It didn't matter. Halak was everywhere, just like he was against the Caps. The hot goalie. He couldn't be beaten. Sometimes, that's hockey.

Does winning the Cup last season make this easier to swallow? Of course it does. Maybe this reads a bit too casual, but it's from the heart. It's catharsis.

Why do you watch sports? Sports are supposed to be fun, right? Otherwise, what's the point? When I was a kid I would cry when my favorite teams lost big games. Does that mean that I don't care as much as I once did? That's one explanation.

But I watch every game. I actually dreamed about Game Seven last night. I buy jerseys. I read blogs. I can tell you where I was during key moments in my life as a Pens fan. I can remember the feelings.

I definitely care. There's no doubt about that. But as I get older, I'm gaining perspective. At least that's what I tell myself.

So, I watched until the clock hit zero. I can't walk away. Not from this team. If that works for you, that's cool. I get it. But I'm not the type.

This game didn't end with another glorious Penguin celebration. But most of the time, it doesn't. I personally don't think any less of the players. I'm not going to judge their careers based on one game. This is a great team. It's a fun team to watch. This is a great time to be a Pens fan. We are lucky. Don't forget that. It's not too long ago that we were trying to talk ourselves into Konstantin Koltsov and Ramzi Abid. I mean, do you remember watching Dan Focht? This current team is so easy to love. Don't fight it.

But for tonight, by all means, be angry. Be sad. Be depressed. Be whatever you have to be.

But you'll be back next season, won't you?

I will. Go Pens.