The long-awaited Hines Ward/Max Talbot commercial for City of Champions Crunch Cereal is finally here. And it’s got production values that make Talbot’s A&L Motor Sales commercials look like James Cameron films. Let’s go to the videotape.
Watch the short lady over Talbot’s left shoulder at the five second mark … did she just stifle a burp? Watch closely. Unbelievable.
Apparently, people who customize their NFL apparel have the same fashion sensibilities as the folks who design children’s clothing. You know, like the little shirts featuring random numbers and phrases, like “Slugger 18.”
“Big Red,” I suppose I can understand. But “Ham Bone” seems at least vaguely racist. “Raven King” is an odd choice. Even worse is “Ray Rave” over Ray Lewis’ number. Why would you put that on a jersey? What is that even supposed to mean? And a fan wearing a hoodie that reads “Pro Bowl” with the number 9 underneath … well, that’s just confusing.
So, feel free to customize your apparel, NFL fans. As long as it doesn’t include one of the more than 1,100 words and phrases banned by the league for use on said apparel. I’d link to it, but I’m still trying to keep this blog mostly family-friendly, and that includes the links.
So, let me get this straight. This dude wants to go on an amazing vacation with his wife. It looks like he’s got a romantic getaway in mind. He’s got all these plans. He wants to go somewhere exotic. They’ll have a great time. And he’s going to use their credit card reward points to take care of everything. What a guy.
Sounds perfect … if his wife didn’t already use of all those points on a dress. For herself. All of those points. One single dress. It cost as much as a vacation. And she didn’t even talk to her husband about the purchase.
This prompts possibly the least realistic reaction in the history of advertising, which is saying something. The husband simply smiles. And the commercial ends.
Now, I know, she looks like she’s out of his league. And if that’s the case, he might be willing to give in on just about anything. But remember, this is television. From where I’m sitting (in a chair), almost every guy on television is with a woman who’s out of his league. Example: Every CBS sitcom. So that means nothing.
I asked my wife what she would do, if I chose to buy myself one item, instead of spending that same money (or those same credit card points) on an unforgettable vacation with her. I said, “You probably wouldn’t talk to me for a week.”
She said, “More like a month.” And she wasn’t kidding.
“You look like Suzie. You even sound like Suzie. …But you’re not Suzie. Who did this to you? What have they done…to daddy’s little girl?”