Phil Dzikiy …is a writer

I’m Hatin’ It

It's hard for me to pick my least favorite thing about McDonald's: Its destructive and deplorable business practices, its nauseating food or its godawful commercials.

I'm not sure if I've enjoyed even one McDonald's commercial during the "I'm Lovin' It" era. All of these ads try so hard to be hip or funny, that they forget about concepts like "making sense." Remember "The Dollar Menunaires?" Or how about this one:

This is a key character in McDonald's commercials — the oblivious human who has no concept of what life is like on this planet. (Perhaps that's why he eats at McDonald's.) Why would he even ask someone at a travel agency or a tanning salon what he could get for a dollar? To set up the sell, of course — Mickey D's has cheap food! — but his bizarre behavior completely misses the point. Shouldn't he at least be visiting different restaurants? I mean, those Golden Corral commercials are annoying, but at least they're comparing their restaurants to other eateries. All of this would be excusable if the commercial were actually funny. It's not.

Which brings us to our next case. This prick:

So many questions. If he's that much of a jerk without coffee, and he can't even respond like a decent human being without it, why doesn't he own a coffee maker? Why does he go out of his way to tell people, "Sorry, I haven't had my coffee yet," when a "hi" would suffice? How does he still have a roommate?

But most puzzling of all is his reaction upon learning that McDonald's offers coffee: Genuine excitement and surprise, as if he just discovered that McDonald's sells coffee — ahem, "premium roast coffee for just a dollar." What? How could he not know this? And if he didn't know, why would he go to McDonald's before getting his precious coffee? The whole premise is completely flawed. Not only that, but it paints McDonald's customers as oblivious jerks.

You didn't think anyone was paying attention, did you, McDonald's? You never think anyone is paying attention. And maybe you're right. After all, it's a fair explanation of your success.

But it wasn't always this way, at least when it comes to advertising. Today is apropos to revisit one of the all-time great Super Bowl ads, courtesy of McDonald's:

UPDATE: Well, I'll be. McDonald's revealed an updated version of "The Showdown" just before tonight's Super Bowl, featuring LeBron James and Dwight Howard. Sure, it's recycled, but it's still better than the typical "I'm Lovin' It" fare.

It’s a Jeep thing, I wouldn’t understand

A television ad aimed at people who don't watch television. I wouldn't think this makes much sense, but then, there are a lot of things I don't understand about Jeeps. Like why anybody would want to own one.