Of all the hair salon puns out there — and there are so, so many — nothing quite does it for me like the “shear” puns. Driving around today, I saw Shear Madness. Is the existence of a “shear” pun enough to inspire confidence in visiting such an establishment? It must be. Otherwise, why would anyone get their hair cut at a salon promoting itself as “madness?” You could walk out with a swiss cheese cut. That’s when you just shave bald spots on somebody’s head. And if that’s not an actual thing, it certainly could be.

I also remember going to a place called Shears Excellence a few times when I was younger. I don’t know what the extra “s” was for. I guess they were sticklers for properly representing their equipment.

Here are more ideas for “shear” salons. I’m sure some of these already exist. I do not care.

Shear Insanity

Shear Force

Shear Adrenaline

Shear Willpower

King Shear

Shears Johnny!

We’re here, we’re Shear, get used to it!

A Shear in the Headlights

The Gang’s All Sheared!

The Tracks of my Shears

The Shears of a Clown

96 Shears

Shears on my Pillow (A creepy salon that would specialize in cutting your hair while you slept.)

Shot and a Shear

Shearkat Manor

Shears Roebuck and Co.

Horton Shears a You (Proprietor’s last name being Horton.)

Billy Shears (Proprietor’s first name being Billy … no pun necessary.)

Britney Shears

Shears to you, Mrs. Robinson

Shear John

Shear Admiral

Shearleaders

Pan-Sheared

Shearless Price

Shearly, You Can’t Be Serious

Sinshearly Yours

Oed’ und leer das Shear

Happy New Shear

Shear and Present Danger

Sheared Science

Hairy Shearer (My personal favorite.)