Winter Olympics Haiku
Alpine Skiing
Beauty comes from speed
Love watching the intervals
The falls are brutal
Ice Dancing
Sadly literal —
it's like pairs figure skating
with added boredom.
Snowboard Cross
This one should be great.
Lead changes, crashes and more...
...oh, really? That's it?
Moguls
Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump
Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, JUMP
Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump
Halfpipe
Really, one question:
Is Shaun White competing now?
When he's up, tell me.
Skicross
It's more exciting
than its snowboarding brother.
Still disappointing.
Figure Skating
It's too subjective.
That is always a problem.
...Well, at least for me.
Aerials
Yeah, it's subjective.
But all those twists and flips, man!
Plus, it's short and sweet.
Biathlon
Skiing and shooting
The nuclear winter sport
It makes sense to me
Bobsled
Two-man — I get it.
Four-man? Those middle two folks
push, and not much else.
Cross-Country Skiing
They don't stop to shoot
Hills, turns, sprints — no rest at all
A grueling ordeal
Hockey
No surprises here —
I watch it most of the year.
...No-touch icing rocks.
Luge
Clearly dangerous.
And doubles? Two dudes, one sled:
unnecessary.
Skeleton
The forward luge
Sounds crazy, but makes more sense
Just think about it
Short Track
Drama, speed, crashes —
if it was on more often,
I would not complain.
Curling
It's on all the time
Much screaming while the stones slide
Strangely addictive
Ski Jumping
How does one become
involved with a sport like this?
Scandinavia!
Speed skating
It's the boxing to
the short track's mixed martial arts.
Older, but wiser.
Nordic combined
By air and by land.
No love for water skiing?
I get it. Too cold.
From the spam file
I block a lot of spam comments from the site. Most of them are complete gibberish, but a few of them come oh-so-close to making sense. This was the first one to make me laugh:
"I am very impressed with the article I have just read. I wish the writer of phildzikiy.com can continue to provide so much practical information and unforgettable experience to phildzikiy.com readers. There is not much to state except the following universal truth: You are always a little bit scared when you stroke a hourse. I will be back."
Universal truth, indeed.
My Top 100 Albums of the Decade (20-11)
20. The Futureheads - The Futureheads (2004)
"Welcome to your new job, hope you have a wonderful first day — we are so happy to have you join the team, you are so lucky on your first day. And they say this is the job that people die for, I hope you're ready for the next stage ... a lot of people work in the same place, don't let them get in your way"
A frantic debut, as if the group was only guaranteed one album, and one day in which to record it. Nearly everything on here is fast and gripping. The Futureheads harmonize while roaring through tight two-to-three minute rockers — it's new post-punk, with energy and eccentricity. Not to mention that joyous rarity, a tremendous cover that eclipses the original — an irresistible version of Kate Bush's "Hounds of Love."
The Futureheads - "Hounds of Love"
19. Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer? (2007)
"We want our film to be beautiful, not realistic"
In which the previous glorious pop albums of Of Montreal past fade into something darker, deeper, and eventually, just as addictive. A personal work becomes a sprawling explosion in Kevin Barnes' hands — he hasn't shown any signs of reigning in the music since Hissing Fauna (witness Skeletal Lamping), and hey, more power to him. Of Montreal has crafted enough lasting pop diamonds. If Barnes wants to continue to get darker, freakier and funkier, fine by me. Because when it comes to melody, he's still got one of the best ears on the scene. That hasn't changed. He should be free to follow his muses ... or demons.
Of Montreal - "Heimdalsgate Like A Promethean Curse"
18. Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood (2006)
"Go on, go on, and scream and cry, you're miles from where anyone will find you ... this is nothing new, no television crew, they don't even put on the siren"
Neko Case is like the Bjork of the 00's, at least to me: A female musician with an undeniable (though not nearly as divisive) voice and a consistently great body of work throughout the decade. No, the two don't sound anything alike, but that's not the point I'm trying to make. This album creates a mood and a setting with great effectiveness. Sure, Case's voice has something to do with that, but the songwriting is an equal partner here. For all of Case's vital contributions on the New Pornographers albums, Fox Confessor is, as of now, her apex.
Neko Case - "Hold On, Hold On" (live)
17. Okkervil River - Black Sheep Boy (2005)
"But if I could tear his throat ... spill his blood between my jaws ... and erase his name out for good, don't you know that I would? Don't you realize that I wouldn't pause? That I would cut him down with my claws if I could have somehow never let that happen?"
Will Sheff doesn't get enough credit. He's far and away one of the decade's top songwriters. Read his lyrics removed from the music — they're still coherent. Okkervil River will always get love and respect from writers, because Sheff is a great writer.
It's possible that this is also Okkervil's weakness — the lyrics are the stars, and the music's impact is dampened. This isn't a new quandary in pop music, but when dealing with subtle instrumentation, the problem becomes pronounced. Tracks like "For Real" and "Black" jump out of the speakers with urgency, especially when surrounded by the other songs on Black Sheep Boy, which are often slower and quieter. The answer, of course, is to let the album take hold and grow. It might take some time for the likes of "A Stone" and "Song of Our So-Called Friend" to sink in, but when they do, you know you're listening to a complete, masterful album for writers and everyone else.
(If you're going to buy Black Sheep Boy, try to get the deluxe edition that includes Black Sheep Boy Appendix, the follow-up EP that continues the story ... it's nearly as good as the original album.)
Okkervil River - "For Real"
16. Mclusky - Mclusky Do Dallas (2002)
"My love is bigger than your love, we take more drugs than a touring funk band, sing it"
So many lyrics to pick from here. I could go on quoting, but that would really ruin the surprise. Mclusky Do Dallas is very loud, quite explicit, and certifiably insane. I write that all with great fondness. This album is like going over the cliff at 100 mph and screaming and laughing all the way down. But you survive at the end! And thank heavens for that, because you're going to want to listen to this again. Tremendous fun.
Mclusky - "Day of the Deadringers"
15. The Hives - Tyrannosaurus Hives (2004)
"I went on strike when the union said I would, had a sign in my hand, 'cause the times were no good, and all this time, they ever told me too was to get a little more for your little you"
This album would be worth owning for its brilliant title and wicked cover art alone. Luckily, the music is more than worthy of the package. Tyrannosaurus Hives is a total blast and as tight as all get-out. Punk rock is alive and well as the Hives go blistering through 12 songs in less than a half hour, making statements — some empty, some not — but never stopping to sort out the remains. Even when the Swedes employ strings, you can't help but smile. A top-notch riot, Tyrannosaurus Hives doesn't have the popular single like Veni Vidi Vicious, but it's the better album by leaps and bounds.
The Hives - "Two-Timing Touch and Broken Bones"
14. Belle and Sebastian - The Life Pursuit (2006)
"Sukie was the kid, she liked to hang out in the graveyard. She did brass rubbings, she learned you never had to press hard"
Don't take my comment about If You're Feeling Sinister in the Dear Catastrophe Waitress entry the wrong way — I love If You're Feeling Sinister. Adore it. Which is why I was surprised to find that I might like this album just as much.
The Life Pursuit is a pop masterpiece. The songwriting quality is superb, and really, it all just seems too easy for Belle and Sebastian. "Another Sunny Day," followed by "White Collar Boy," followed by "The Blues Are Still Blue" ... it's unfair, and we haven't even gotten to the best songs yet.
Belle and Sebastian - "Funny Little Frog"
13. Radiohead - Kid A (2000)
"I will see you in the next life"
I still don't think Radiohead has recovered from Kid A. In Rainbows is good, Hail To The Thief is all right, Amnesiac is rubbish ... the band was never the same after this album, and it probably never will be again. But if this killed old Radiohead — the one with all the guitars — well, what a way to die. Certainly one of the most influential albums of the decade, Kid A makes the experimental sound accessible, though now, it doesn't sound so strange. The band saves the best for last, as the wondrous "Motion Picture Soundtrack" lives up to its cinematic title.
Radiohead - "Idioteque"
12. Beulah - The Coast Is Never Clear (2001)
"I don't love you to death, but I'd die if you left"
Simply one of the greatest summer albums of all time. The cover art couldn't be more apt. From the sunny explosions of singles "Gene Autry" and "Silver Lining" to the warm, lovely comedowns of "What Will You Do When Your Suntan Fades?" and "Night Is the Day Turned Inside Out," all the bases are covered. A criminally overlooked gem from a sadly overlooked band.
Beulah - "Gene Autry"
11. The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls in America (2006)
"She was a really cool kisser but she wasn't all that strict of a Christian. She was a damn good dancer but she wasn't all that great of a girlfriend. She likes the warm feeling, but she's tired of all the dehydration. Most nights are crystal clear, but tonight, it's like it's stuck between stations"
Of all the acts this decade to earn Springsteen comparisons, The Hold Steady earned the most mentions. Springsteen called his third album, Born to Run, his "shot at the title." Boys and Girls in America is The Hold Steady's shot. Both took the belts.
Anthemic, ambitious and successful in every way, the album comes out of the gate with "Stuck Between Stations," an instant classic. It doesn't ease off the throttle until "First Night," which seems all but necessary before the speed picks up again. The album's title is honest, as these really are tales of America's youth — stories that Craig Finn tells, as usual, with memorable precision and a voice all his own. For those who consider Finn a mere fictionist — and really, who would care if he was? — what's more honest than "You Can Make Him Like You?" He's the best lyricist of the decade, and the competition isn't all that close.
The Hold Steady has often been called "the world's greatest bar band," but as I've written before, you could remove "bar" and the statement would ring just as true.
The Hold Steady - "Chips Ahoy"
I’m Hatin’ It
It's hard for me to pick my least favorite thing about McDonald's: Its destructive and deplorable business practices, its nauseating food or its godawful commercials.
I'm not sure if I've enjoyed even one McDonald's commercial during the "I'm Lovin' It" era. All of these ads try so hard to be hip or funny, that they forget about concepts like "making sense." Remember "The Dollar Menunaires?" Or how about this one:
This is a key character in McDonald's commercials — the oblivious human who has no concept of what life is like on this planet. (Perhaps that's why he eats at McDonald's.) Why would he even ask someone at a travel agency or a tanning salon what he could get for a dollar? To set up the sell, of course — Mickey D's has cheap food! — but his bizarre behavior completely misses the point. Shouldn't he at least be visiting different restaurants? I mean, those Golden Corral commercials are annoying, but at least they're comparing their restaurants to other eateries. All of this would be excusable if the commercial were actually funny. It's not.
Which brings us to our next case. This prick:
So many questions. If he's that much of a jerk without coffee, and he can't even respond like a decent human being without it, why doesn't he own a coffee maker? Why does he go out of his way to tell people, "Sorry, I haven't had my coffee yet," when a "hi" would suffice? How does he still have a roommate?
But most puzzling of all is his reaction upon learning that McDonald's offers coffee: Genuine excitement and surprise, as if he just discovered that McDonald's sells coffee — ahem, "premium roast coffee for just a dollar." What? How could he not know this? And if he didn't know, why would he go to McDonald's before getting his precious coffee? The whole premise is completely flawed. Not only that, but it paints McDonald's customers as oblivious jerks.
You didn't think anyone was paying attention, did you, McDonald's? You never think anyone is paying attention. And maybe you're right. After all, it's a fair explanation of your success.
But it wasn't always this way, at least when it comes to advertising. Today is apropos to revisit one of the all-time great Super Bowl ads, courtesy of McDonald's:
UPDATE: Well, I'll be. McDonald's revealed an updated version of "The Showdown" just before tonight's Super Bowl, featuring LeBron James and Dwight Howard. Sure, it's recycled, but it's still better than the typical "I'm Lovin' It" fare.