The Movie Cliche Movie
FADE IN:
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING
Bedside, we zoom in to the numbers on a digital alarm clock. They read 7:59 (a.m.). As the numbers change to 8:00, the clock radio plays "Five O' Clock World" by The Vogues. The song goes on for a few seconds before a hand quickly slaps the clock, and the room is silent again.
The hand belongs to JIM WALTON. Jim sits up in bed and lets out a loud yawn. His eyes are red and bleary. He doesn't want to get up, but he knows he has to. He sighs and gets out of bed.
Next comes a montage of JIM tripping through his tedious daily morning routine: Making a cup of coffee (he burns himself on the pot), making toast (burned), taking a shower (drops soap, hits head on faucet), getting dressed (can't find a matching sock), looking for his keys, and once he finds them, his car won't start. It's cold and rainy outside. He turns the key a few times to no avail. He takes a deep breath, turns the key one last time, and as the car is trying to start, he hits the dashboard. The car finally starts.
JIM
Thank God. Wouldn't want to miss another day in paradise.
*****
This is the opening scene for a screenplay I will likely never write. (Likely?) It is a film constructed entirely out of movie clichés. In this movie, Jim will fall in love with a woman he initially hates (they will have a heated argument which will suddenly turn into a makeout session). He will leave his job — and tell off his boss in explosive fashion — before embarking on a life-affirming journey. This will involve a tense car scene in which the prominent vehicle must make a quick 180-degree turn in the middle of the road for some reason.
Someone in the movie will say, "I'm not leaving," and will subsequently be thrown out in the very next scene. Characters will look at each other and scream in unison upon seeing something surprising.
And of course, the ending will feature Jim back in his bed, where he'll realize "it was all a dream." He will then find a key artifact in his bed from earlier in the film. "Or was it?"
There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of movie clichés, and this movie would feature as many as possible. The plot would only serve to introduce more of these clichés. Audience members could play spot-the-cliché. The dialogue would be as hackneyed as humanly possible.
"Here we go again!"
"Oh no, he didn't!"
"It's quiet ... too quiet."
It would be far too one-note. Too limited to a small, knowing audience. But it could also be hilarious.
January 14th, 2010 - 15:14
No serious…..most awesome movie ever. I would so watch this! 90% of movies are so bad! and by bad I mean predictable. This would be the most predictably un-turnoffable movie ever! I Would seriously watch it just to see how many cliches were visible.
I must say, when I started watching 500 days of Summer I thought it was going to be a little like what you described. But in honestly it was so different. GREAT movie. GREAT I said! So great in fact that if there had been a 500 days of Autumn, I would have run out to buy it.
NEWAYS….make that movie. I’m going to make a movie called “Real” about a couples boring yet extremely dramatic life where everything is so obviously wrong, but its way too comfortable to change.
The opening scene is an argument over text message. Followed by a phone argument where they pointlessly but emphatically read each others ludicrous texts to the other. Then go to their friends and read the texts to their friends as if the other is absolutely crazy. And then they see each other and settle the argument within minutes.
Ready set…GO
January 22nd, 2010 - 00:01
The only problem with this plan is that this movie has already been made numerous times by Hollywood…by accident. My biggest fear is that someone would buy your script, pay you a boatload of money for it, find you a star to play Jim, a hot actress who can hardly act to play the love interest, and the whole thing will be a huge hit. And before long you’ll be the next Seth Rogan, but you’ll be disillusioned into thinking what you did was actually good instead of making fun of everything that’s wrong with movies, and you will continue to churn out the same derivative crap for years and years, until the public turns on you and thinks you’re a bigger tool than Dane Cook or Dave Matthews. Don’t do it Phil! I’ve seen the future, and the juice just isn’t worth the squeeze.