Chase Sapphire presents A Divorce, Act I
So, let me get this straight. This dude wants to go on an amazing vacation with his wife. It looks like he's got a romantic getaway in mind. He's got all these plans. He wants to go somewhere exotic. They'll have a great time. And he's going to use their credit card reward points to take care of everything. What a guy.
Sounds perfect ... if his wife didn't already use of all those points on a dress. For herself. All of those points. One single dress. It cost as much as a vacation. And she didn't even talk to her husband about the purchase.
This prompts possibly the least realistic reaction in the history of advertising, which is saying something. The husband simply smiles. And the commercial ends.
Now, I know, she looks like she's out of his league. And if that's the case, he might be willing to give in on just about anything. But remember, this is television. From where I'm sitting (in a chair), almost every guy on television is with a woman who's out of his league. Example: Every CBS sitcom. So that means nothing.
I asked my wife what she would do, if I chose to buy myself one item, instead of spending that same money (or those same credit card points) on an unforgettable vacation with her. I said, "You probably wouldn't talk to me for a week."
She said, "More like a month." And she wasn't kidding.
My Top 100 Albums of the Decade (90-81)
90. The Hives - Veni Vidi Vicious (2000)
"Do what I please, gonna spread the disease because I wanna"
What is punk rock? Is Green Day punk rock? Or was Green Day once punk rock, but now, it's not? The likes of My Chemical Romance and Fallout Boy, those groups can't be punk, can they? Did punk only exist in the late '70s, and everything since is post-punk, or something else entirely? Was London Calling punk? Sandinista? Nirvana? Should punk rock - itself a subgenre - have its own subgenres, like pop-punk, garage punk and hardcore punk? Is punk rock dead?
Only within punk rock can this line of redundant questioning seem even remotely logical. Punk is so shaped by its ethos that it's far easier to describe it in terms of fashion and attitude than it is to explain the actual musical qualities of punk rock.
Which leads me to one final question, regarding The Hives. Can punk rock wear a suit? Apparently, it can.
The Hives - "Main Offender"
89. Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand (2004)
"It's always better on holiday, so much better on holiday ... that's why we only work when we need the money"
I was a little late to hop on the Franz Ferdinand train. Sure, I loved "Take Me Out" as much as the next guy, but I didn't buy the album right away. And when I finally did get the album, I thought it was good, but not great.
Sometimes though, certain music just hits you in the right way, at the right time. I had finished college and I was bouncing in and out of temporary jobs. Too early one morning, I started my drive to work (I was working at a bulk mail center for the U.S. Postal Service at the time) and put this in the CD player. It was December, it was cold, and it was before 6 a.m.
The album kicks off with "Jacqueline." There's that little slow part at the beginning, then the song changes. The guitars rage, and that lyric above comes out.
I felt better that morning.
Franz Ferdinand - "Michael"
88. Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine (2005)
"Please please please, no more melodies, they lack impact, they're petty, they've been made up already"
An album's back story has absolutely no bearing on what I think of the end result. Extraordinary Machine has a tale behind it, which Wikipedia covers well enough. Sure, if you care enough, you can debate differences between the two versions of the album.
But you're not listening to that story on your headphones. What did finally see the light of day here was very good. And that's what matters.
Fiona Apple - "Parting Gift"
87. Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue (2008)
"To be lonely is a habit like smoking or taking drugs, and I've quit them both, but man, was it rough"
I've always liked Rilo Kiley, but moreso as a singles band. So in hindsight, I don't know why I was surprised when I liked Jenny Lewis' solo album better than anything else I've heard from her or her band. Perhaps I get attached to the concept of a band, and it's hard to accept a solo act or side project improving upon that. But that's silly. Maybe Lewis is just getting better - a good singer/songwriter becoming great - and this, her most recent album, is just part of that evolution.
Jenny Lewis - "Godspeed" (live)
86. Beulah - Yoko (2003)
"Can you get me there, friend? Without a soul to sell along the way ... the devil rides with me again, he always says everything's okay"
Beulah's last album was darker than anything else the group had ever done. As such, it was a little slower. This is the last gasp of a band that knew it was dying.
I saw Beulah on its last tour in 2004, at Pittsburgh's Rex Theatre. It was kind of a sad show. Don't get me wrong, the band sounded great. Singer Miles Kurosky even took requests. But half of the somewhat sparse crowd was sitting, while the other half was standing in front of the stage. And the Rex isn't one of those clubs with a few seats in the back. Most of the floor is taken up by seats. So it looked strange.
And Kurosky knew it. At one point, he wondered why everyone wasn't standing up. He went on to say something about how we were young, and we didn't have dead-end jobs yet, and we should want to stand at a rock concert. It wasn't your typical stage banter - it was honest sentiment from a guy who wouldn't be touring the country and playing music with his band anymore.
Anyway, I took a friend to the concert, and he didn't know anything about Beulah. He wanted to sit. And since I dragged him along, I didn't feel like making him stand up. But it still bothers me a bit. I've always been a stander. Sitting, especially at that show, never felt right.
Beulah - "Landslide"
85. Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks - Pig Lib (2003)
"And the water dripping from the faucet is like Mardi Gras on the 12th of June"
With the exception of "1% of One," Pig Lib isn't that much different than most Pavement albums (though not up to that level). Clever lyrics and songs that sneak into your head, though Malkmus' melodies were better before and would be again.
Stephen Malkmus - "Dark Wave"
84. Saturday Looks Good to Me - Every Night (2004)
"But now you're out of breath from your cheap cigarettes and the wrong side of 7 am ... You can't sit still, but you eventually will, 'cause every night comes to an end"
Most modern groups who adopt a 60's sound polish the songs until they shine. SLGTM buries their songs in fuzzy lo-fi. At its worst, Every Night can sound a bit amateurish, but if you're not a downer, it's easy to give in to its nostalgic charm. I won't even call it faux-nostalgic. It's too sweet.
Saturday Looks Good to Me - "Since You Stole My Heart" (live)
83. Spoon - Gimme Fiction (2005)
"I got a feeling, it don't come cheap, I got a feeling, oh, then it got to me, it took its time workin' into my soul, I gotta believe it come from rock 'n' roll"
At this point, Spoon was a confident band ready to expand its sound. "The Beast and Dragon, Adored" was a statement, but the remainder of the album found the band jumping around, free to be funky ("I Turn My Camera On") or beautifully restrained ("I Summon You").
Spoon - "I Turn My Camera On"
82. Amy Winehouse - Back to Black (2006)
"I told you I was trouble, you know that I'm no good"
Winehouse is an immense talent and one of the most distinctive voices to emerge this decade. Back to Black shows - as if there was any doubt - that there will always be a place for big, brassy, dramatic soul songs. This album has so much life - let's hope Winehouse keeps hers intact.
Amy Winehouse - "Love is a Losing Game"
81. The Thrills - So Much For The City (2003)
"So much for the city, tell me that you'll dance to the end, just tell me that you'll dance to the end"
Yeah, they're Irish guys singing about California, but who cares where they're from? These are great summer songs. I've never been to California, either, but I get it.
The Thrills - "Big Sur" (Top of the Pops)
‘Wild Things,’ you make my heart sing
My most recent column, on "Where the Wild Things Are."
Go blind, Price
It's never too late to fix anything. Just remember that the next time you're watching "The Price Is Right."
I speak, of course, about the flawed bidding process to get up on stage with Bob...er, Drew. How many times have you been watching "Price," and the last contestant bids ... one dollar higher than the previous highest bid. And often, that bid wins. Sure, it's smart - they're playing the system - but every time, I find myself thinking the same thing. "That's a jerk move. At least bid $50 higher. C'mon!"
The bidding process gives an advantage to the person who's been waiting the longest. I get that. The show doesn't want to strand the same sad contestant on the floor for an hour. But why should contestants gain any kind of advantage in a competition of skill, when their very participation in the game was luck-based? It's not fair.
(I know, life's not fair. But this isn't life. It's a game show. This can be controlled.)
The thing that kills me about the whole situation is that the fix is so obvious. Blind bidding. Every contestant bids at once. "Jeopardy!" figured this out long ago.
Not only would blind bidding be fairer than the current process, it'd be more suspenseful. And you'd get crazy, ridiculous bids from clueless contestants. Who doesn't want to see more of that?
(For those of you who thought this post would be a written wish to rob Mark Price of his vision, sorry to disappoint.)
My Top 100 Albums of the Decade (100-91)
I've always been a list maker. Most nerds are, and certainly, most music nerds are. We can't help it.
What is it about music that lends itself to list making? I think most music fans have a tough time talking about music with non-fans. And by non-fans, I mean casual listeners. Those are the folks who wouldn't even consider making a list of their favorite albums of the decade.
We make lists for those people. They might not want to hear us ramble on about the differences between early and late-era Belle & Sebastian (anyway, those differences are so obvious, what would be the point?) but anyone can read a list. And every now and then, you turn someone on to a new band. And that always feels good. It's not done to justify our own tastes, but to share something that someone else may have never discovered.
But as noble as that sounds...we really make these lists for our fellow nerds. Who else is going to read through the whole thing? Sometimes, even hardcore music fans have a hard time talking to each other. The quickest and best way to get a feel for someone's tastes is by rattling off a list. "High Fidelity" has made this more acceptable, so thanks, Nick Hornby.
Undoubtedly, a few 2009 albums released during the latter part of this year won't make this list, though they might on a future, revamped version. For instance, I really dig the new Islands and Arctic Monkeys albums so far, but they were released too late to make a mark.
One more thing. This is a list of personal favorites, not an attempt at a definitive list. But then, that should be obvious, right? It's more fun that way.
100. The New Pornographers - Electric Version (2003)
"It came out magical, out from blown speakers"
99. Of Montreal - Skeletal Lamping (2008)
"My lover, I've been donating time to review, all the misinterpretations that define me and you"
Along with Spoon, these two bands appear most on the countdown. But if you were to ask me if any of these three groups were my favorites of the decade, they wouldn't come to mind first.
Electric Version is my least favorite New Pornographers album, which is to say, it's a very, very good album. You know how people love Weezer's blue album because it was near-perfect power-pop? Well, we can enjoy the New Pornographers now, folks. I love "My Name Is Jonas" as much as the next guy, but let's get with the times.
Skeletal Lamping is definitely flawed. There are plenty of Of Montreal fans who don't even care for this album. It's disjointed and messy. An alter ego is involved. So, no, it's far from perfect, but it's always a fun listen. There's far more to be discovered here than in albums that barely missed making the list.
The New Pornographers - "The Laws Have Changed"
Of Montreal - "Id Engager"
98. Beck - Sea Change (2002)
"These days I barely get by...I don't even try"
Beck's best of the decade is a fine album, sure, but what happily married man is going to plumb these depths often? For the heartbroken and lone wolves.
Beck - "The Golden Age" (live)
97. Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So Much Better (2005)
"So I'm sorry if I ever resisted, I never had a doubt you ever existed, I only have a problem when people insist on taking their hate and placing it on your name"
At first, I really thought this was better than the group's debut. I thought it was more consistent. Maybe that's true, but as good as "The Fallen" is, this doesn't quite grab me like the self-titled album. "Eleanor Put Your Boots On," is quite lovely, though. FF should do more of that sort of thing.
Franz Ferdinand - "The Fallen" (live)
96. Spoon - Girls Can Tell (2001)
"Everything hits at once, what we needs is just what we wants"
"Everything Hits At Once" might be my favorite Spoon song. It's just so cool. It makes me want to take a lonely walk through a city. Any city. It's even a better walking song than "Take a Walk." You can't go wrong with buying any album Spoon has released this decade.
Spoon - "Lines in the Suit"
95. Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights (2002)
"She was all right because the sea was so airtight, she broke away"
Interpol doesn't necessarily seem like a band I would like. The group is like its own Stella character: always down. But I dug the intensity, and the guitars. And the 'pol, as I've never called 'em before, tapped into the right mood at the right time.
Interpol - "Obstacle 1"
94. Bob Dylan - Modern Times (2006)
"We live and we die, we know not why, but I'll be with you when the deal goes down"
This late period Dylan stuff is a revelation. Not that it's anywhere near the best stuff of his career, but it's really spectacular from a guy in his 60s, even if it is Dylan in his 60s. Especially if we're talking about Modern Times. Dylan's lyrics turn something old into something new. Something timeless.
Bob Dylan - "When The Deal Goes Down" (live)
93. Ben Folds - Rockin' the Suburbs (2001)
"25 years, he's worked at the paper, a man's here to take him downstairs...and I'm sorry, Mr. Jones..it's time"
Ben Folds doesn't get much critical respect, but then again, what young piano men really do these days? I still think Rockin' the Suburbs is the best thing he's ever done. It's accomplished songwriting, but it's not dull. (Can't say the same for the follow-up album.) "Fred Jones Part 2" is killer. It plays to his strengths - solid melody and honest, heartfelt lyrics.
I think where Folds gets in trouble is on a song like "The Luckiest," which people adore. I like it, too. It's a really sweet love song. But one part always bothers me. He goes into a verse about how an old man passes away, and his widow passes away days later. It's touching. But he can't just leave it at that. In the next part, he sings, "I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong..." C'mon, don't apologize. That's unnecessary. I mean, Morrissey never sang, "And if a double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die....I know that's a bit weird."
Ben Folds - "Fred Jones Part 2" (with the West Australian Symphony Orchestra)
92. Girl Talk - Feed the Animals (2008)
No lyrics for this one. They're all taken from other songs. It's no wonder that music nerds love Girl Talk. We can play "spot the sample" whilst gettin' down. And Gregg Gillis doesn't discriminate. Mary J. Blige's "Real Love" over The Guess Who's "These Eyes?" Money. P-burgh represent!
Girl Talk - "Set It Off"
91. TV on the Radio - Return to Cookie Mountain (2006)
"I was a lover, before this war"
TV on the Radio's Young Liars EP sounded like the future, but Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes never really fulfilled that promise. Return to Cookie Mountain did. The songs felt whole, the album more self-assured - an experimental rock band became a rock band that experimented.
TV on the Radio - "Wolf Like Me" (live)